The Marriage Mindset
Why Most Relationship Advice Isn't Working for You (And What This Blog Will Do Differently)
Let me be direct with you.
You’ve probably sat through plenty of firesides, read plenty of articles, watched TikToks and Youtube vidoes, and heard plenty of well-meaning advice about dating and marriage. And you’re still stuck. Either you can’t find the right person, you keep dating the wrong ones, or you’re in a relationship and quietly wondering and worrying if you’re doing it right.
That’s not a failure of effort. It’s a failure of framework.
Most relationship advice gives you unsubstantial feelings and inspiration. What it rarely gives you is a clear, honest look at the thinking patterns that are actually driving your decisions and quietly wrecking your chances of building something that lasts.
That’s what The Marriage Mindset is here to fix.
Who I am and why I’m writing this
I’m not a therapist. I’m not a spiritual leader. I’m an engineer and software manager with 13+ years of building systems, debugging failures, and figuring out why things break. I’ve also been married for 16 years, and my wife and I are raising two kids together.
I approach marriage the same way I approach my work: systematically. What are the inputs? Where are the failure points? What does good actually look like, and how do we build toward it deliberately?
I believe firmly in what the Lord has revealed about family. The Family: A Proclamation to the World isn’t just a statement of belief for me. It’s the design spec. It tells us what marriage is for, what roles matter, and why getting this right is one of the most important things we’ll ever do. This blog is grounded in that foundation, and everything I write will point back to it.
But knowing the why doesn’t automatically teach you the how. That’s the gap I want to close.
The real problems I see
After years of observation and a lot of honest reflection on my own marriage, I keep seeing the same patterns in LDS dating culture:
Unrealistic expectations and comparison culture. Social media and a distorted idea of the “perfect eternal companion” have created a generation of daters who are holding out for someone who doesn’t exist, while passing on real, good people who just don’t fit their fantasy. We’re going to dig into where those expectations come from and how to recalibrate them.
Poor communication and conflict avoidance. Most people don’t face conflict well, or at all. Couples avoid hard conversations until small problems become structural cracks. Knowing how to communicate clearly and handle disagreement without destroying trust is a learnable skill. We’ll break it down.
Not knowing what to actually look for in a partner. Beyond “worthy member” and “I feel a connection,” most people have no real criteria. That’s not a spiritual problem, it’s a preparation problem. We’ll talk about what qualities actually predict long-term partnership success and how to evaluate them honestly.
Not knowing how to be a good partner. This is the one most people skip. Everyone wants to find the right person. Far fewer ask whether they are the right person. We’ll go there too.
What this blog is not
This isn’t a place to bash the Church, complain about dating culture, or validate every frustration without accountability. If you’re looking for that, this isn’t your blog.
This is also not a place that treats marriage as one option among many. I believe marriage between a man and a woman, as outlined in the Proclamation, is the design, and I write from that conviction without apology.
What you will get here is honesty, structure, and practical thinking. I’ll name real problems plainly. I’ll give you frameworks, not just feelings. And I’ll challenge you as often as I encourage you, because that’s what a good friend does.
Who this is for
This blog is not only for Latter-day Saint young single adults but anyone who is serious about building something that will lasts. Those who want to stop drifting through dating and start thinking with clarity and intention. Those who are willing to look honestly at themselves, not just at the people they’re dating.
If that’s you, welcome. Let’s get to work.